i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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