One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I am available for nakedness
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
