Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
