I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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