We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I need to stop coming to work sober
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Randomize
