I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
