Can i not drive my cunt home
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
