Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I want her autograph on my taint
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
