: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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