I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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