I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If its not for food we ain't going out.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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