I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
