it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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