Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
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