Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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