I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
