He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
