So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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