How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
