I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
