I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
