I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize