I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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