...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
