LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
