yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
