Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
being pregnant is like rehab
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Randomize
