I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
