So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Randomize
