Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize