but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
