So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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