You just made me feel so damn special
accomplished twins. life is a go
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
