Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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