We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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