Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
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