we're blogging at a bar
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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