Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Randomize
