So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
