you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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