That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
