it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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