hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
