You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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