highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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