I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
