I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
