i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
We named our party play list daddy issues
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
