I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize