stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
