You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
If that was your dad, he is hot
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
