im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
