I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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