I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
