Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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