Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
