OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Randomize
