I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
