Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
