I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
