Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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