I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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