How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
