I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
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