He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Randomize
