ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
