Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
