i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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