Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
