if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Randomize
